"Why I Chose Mutual Assistance" : Ric's Story

An Example of a Mutual Assistance Agreement

Contract Between "John Doe" and "Jane Gray"

Checking in: This is a forum briefly let each other know, how we are doing in the "here and now". ( Examples: "I didn't get much sleep last night. I feel grouchy today" or "I feel really optimistic right now." ) There is no cross-talk and no discussion, and we avoid letting it become a "storytelling" session. Making a clear and concise "feeling statement" also seems to help both of us make ready to focus on the rest of the agenda.

"Pokes and Strokes": Each of us shares a brief "poke" (comment of dissatisfaction) or "stroke" (comment of praise). (Examples: "Strokes to Ric for washing the extra dishes last night!" or "Pokes to Keri for skipping the dishes on Thursday... or even "Pokes to the  spiders on the back porch for all those cobwebs I had to clean!".) We continue this until each person feels finished expessing themselves. The purpose of this time is just to listen to each other, not to debate or discuss any issues.

Medication Management: Each of us shares briefly how we are doing with our personal medication regimen. We take note of important details.  Refills needed? New medications? Changes in dosages? Special precautions or instructions? Problems with the pharmacy? Noticing possible side effects? This is the time to make each other aware of these things, and plan for mutual support as needed.

Meal Management: Each of us shares briefly how they are doing with nutrition and dietary regimens. Any requests for certain recipes or treats? Who is using the kitchen, and when?  (Originally, this also included mutual assistance with menu planning, but we eventually decided to set aside another time for those details.)

Health Status: Each of us may share more detailed information about their current general and specific health if desired. This can include any issues related to mental or physical health and well-being, such as recent changes in the way we feel, concerns, improvements noticed, etc.  We listen, take note, and may ask questions for clarification. This is the time to ask for specific types of support from each other. This could also be a time to ask each other for feedback about health-related issues: "How am I doing?", "Have you noticed any changes... (in my health, mood, etc.)?"

Schedule Review: Time to synchronize calendars, planners, alarm clocks, timers, and PDA's. Exchange any information necessary to coordinate transportation, house duty assignments, classes, appointments, etc. Work out schedule conflicts.

"K9 Issues":  This is the time we use to track the health, welfare and training issues for each of our dogs. It includes a recap of homework assignments from any handler training and obedience classes, and a feedback session about progress. (This is also the forum for bringing up any  "issues" we may have with our hairy housemates, and deciding on  management strategies.)


Housework: This is the time for checking and organizing the household task card file. We use a card file system which makes dividing and assigning household tasks go very smoothly. This system  allows both of us to easily adjust for day-to-day "ups and downs" in our stamina and abilities, without falling behind and getting discouraged. We discovered that the cards are also a very valuable tool for making efficient use of helpers. With cards in hand, delegating tasks to other people becomes very focused and very simple. 

Maintenence: Are any home repairs needed? Is there any new maintenence that needs to be done on the house or grounds? What needs to be done? Who will do it? What is the status of any old repairs or maintenance? Were they completed, or do they need follow-up? 

Assistance Issues:  At every house meeting, each of us asks and answers some basic questions: Am I able to attend to activities of daily living? Was I able to perform the household tasks agreed upon at the last meeting?  If not, what were the barriers? What assistance might be needed for me to perform these activities and tasks?  Does something in the physical set-up of the house need to be changed? Do I need adaptive equipment to perform the task(s)? Can I trade this task with someone else? Is this a task that should be delegated to an outside caregiver or hired help? Overall, am I satisfied with my level of functioning right now? If not, what do I want to work on?

Budget and purchasing:  As independent and separate people, Ric and I do not have
shared expenses. As my ADD coach, part of Ric's job is to assist me with creating and following long-term spending plans, and with tracking and documenting expenses. This is the time we use for me to review my operating budget, make adjustments, decide on what  purchases to make, and when to make the purchases .